Are you really happy
with your life? Do you wake up eager to start your day? Are you enjoying the
people who surround your life? These are all questions that we all think about
from time to time.
I remember a time in
my life that was the most frustrating for me. I was about sixteen at the time,
trying to put my own life back together after some unfortunate events. Having
had my family split apart and pretending like it didn’t phase me for two years,
got to be difficult.
I felt like, the
ones I had depended on and looked up to had let me down. That feeling of
unworthiness was so heavy that I became severely depressed. Why would God allow
this to happen to me? Not only did my
family fall apart right before my eyes, but I also didn’t have any close
friends.
Now, let’s go back a
little further. I wasn’t your typical kid. I mean, yes, I did grow up as a
pastors kid and yes, I was homeschooled. But, what people didn’t know, is that I
had no grand-parents on both my dad nor moms sides. My aunties and uncles had
no relationship with me on both sides, I didn’t even know most of their names
until I was about fourteen.
So, when my siblings
had started to fight, not just between themselves, but with my parents too, I
felt like the most unlucky person in the world. For a long time, I felt that God
had abandoned me and my life. To sum it all up, I didn’t feel worthy of love
and acceptance. I struggled with the idea that I could ever get married to
someone who would a love, accept, and never leave me.
It wasn’t until the day I closed my eyes and
gave up, that things started to change for the better. Now, you are probably
saying to yourself, “how would anything get better by giving up? Well, I stopped
trying to fix my own life and problems. Instead, I put it all in the hands of God.
I got into his word
and found out what he had done for me. I listened to my very breathe I was
breathing and took a look around me. Worthiness is not measured by people and rather hurtful situation they
could bring, but a love that never fails and never stops, god’s love.
God has blessed me with
so much and although I couldn’t see it then, that frustrating time, was a blessing
too. It has made me a better, stronger, and more understanding faithful person.
Now, I sing at Stone Bridge Church, here in the Woodlands and I’m a Writer.
Because of my trials, I have so much to sing about and so much to write about. Thank
God for using our trials to shape each and every one of us into people who can
serve him better.
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